Fleeting Moments

Mo, Porter, & Baby Beetle

In my head, I have songs associated with many of life's memories. To name a few... Almost Paradise (the love theme from the movie, Footloose) was playing on B98.7 when I first said "I love you" to Ryan. Jack Johnson's album On and on will always remind me of remodeling our basement apartment while dealing with the regrets and emotions of the death of Alisa, my best girlfriend since junior high. I remember Keith Urban's Better Life playing on the radio while driving our red truck - I was four month's pregnant with Morgan and was about to hear that Ryan got into PA school...literally, he called me minutes later. I thought the chorus of the song was so fitting:

Someday baby,
You and I are gonna be the ones, good luck's gonna shine
Someday baby,
You and I are gonna be the ones, so hold on, we're headed for a better life.

I also have a number of songs that I associate with our infertility struggles - some that helped me through, others that just happened to be playing in the background while our hearts were breaking. I will always think of our first miscarriage when I hear Israel "Iz" Kamakawiwo'ole's version of Somewhere over the Rainbow. It came on my Pandora radio station today, and of course, many of the emotions came back to me.

Instead of pain though, I was grateful...Grateful we got through those trying times, grateful for my beautiful miracles, grateful to be a mommy. Already holding Porter at the computer desk, I wanted to share a special moment with both my kids. I pulled Mo close so I could tell her why this song is special and meaningful, but instead, she wanted to enjoy the music and dance. I contentedly smiled, inside and out, as I watched her float and twirl in her pink-ruffled play dress. To make things better, I even enjoyed a slobbery suck-kiss on the cheek from a happy Porter. It was precious and priceless. "Is this not the best moment ever?" I thought, "Sooo rewarding."

And then, as fast as the moment began, it was gone. Before the end of the song, Mo was up on the computer desk, getting into and knocking stuff off the desk, asking me to hold her baby doll (who today, is a baby beetle). I'm fighting her to get down, trying to explain she cannot have the candy-shaped lip gloss she just found amidst the desk clutter...the lip gloss that Daddy bought for her birthday in two weeks. Porter must've been on Mo's side. He now had a very stinky diaper and was biting me with his 3.25 sharp teeth.

These are my joys of mommyhood. Awesome, rewarding, always changing, smelly, painful, but oh so worth it. And to Keith Urban, I'm livin' that better life, good luck is shining on me. Forget almost paradise. I'm there!