Monday, July 27, 2009

Life

This post is long overdue, about things I've been thinking about for a long time. I know we tend to get sarcastic on many of these posts, but this time I'm keepin' it real. This is more of a pour out your soul journal entry.

If you've seen me lately, you know that we are excitedly expecting a baby boy, due October 2nd! We are psyched to be adding a new little one to the family and couldn't be happier, really! I am 30+ weeks along and it definitely shows. I was dropping some things off at the Salvation Army the other day. As soon as the worker, who was taking donations, saw me (my belly and chubbed out face) he exclaimed, "Whoa! Stop right there! Don't you lift a thing, I'll take care of it all!" It made me laugh thinking nothing I was even dropping off weighed more than two pounds. I know he was just saying it to tease because the rest of our interaction he was cracking jokes and just being the funny guy that he is. Little did he know that I still have over two months left of growing to go.

So, my last post about not blogging because I was trying to be a good wife was not completely true. I was just trying to survive life. I am thankfully feeling much better now, but the first four or so months of this pregnancy were absolutely miserable. There were times of uncontrollable vomiting that were so violent and forceful that I literally thought an alien or some other possessed being had invaded my body, leaving me weak, tired, depressed, splotchy-faced from petechial hemorrhaging (tiny blood vessels popping, leaving red dots on my face), and a burning throat. Thank goodness that is over for the most part. Every now and then I have to be humbled and reconnect with the nasty porcelain bowl, but it is rare. I just have to stick to my regimine of regular eating, lots of sleep, low stress, Unisom & Vitamin B6, and Flintstones vitamins instead of regular prenatals.

I'm not going to lie, being sick like that sucked and there were times that I would have rather been dead than feel that way. I can take pain any day, but nausea is not my cup of tea. Knowing, or at least hoping, that there will be a great reward at the end (our baby!) was what kept me going. I have to wonder though, had we not had our many years of infertility and miscarriages, would we have been ready for months of my unusually miserable self? I say "we" because I know how Ryan got the brunt of my whining, definitely had to pick up my slack, and hated my puking sessions.

We were so excited when we were expecting Morgan, but also extremely cautious and nervous - worried that it was too good to be true, and that something bad could easily happen at any minute. When she was born, I remember feeling overjoyed, but also in shock and disbelief that we actually had a live baby. This time around, we are a bit more relaxed, but just as hopeful and prayerful that everything will turn out fine. Unfortunately, we've had some recent tender reminders that everything doesn't always turn out "fine" or the way it should. In early June we had some dear family friends lose their precious boy, Chase Patrick, on his delivery day. My sister, Kim, and her family are expecting a little boy, Jack Kimball, a few weeks after us in October. He has some health problems and the doctors have said that he will most likely not make it. They are trying to make the best of it and are enjoying the time that they do have with him while he is still in utero. Our next door neighbors have an adorable eight-month-old girl, Alex, with SMA (Spinal Musclular Atrophy) that probably won't live past 18 months. My heart aches for these families and I just wish there was something I could do to magically fix these terrible situations. My heart also aches for those that have to struggle with years or even a lifetime of infertility, or those that feel abortion of an unwanted or unplanned life is their best solution. Thank goodness there are good things in this world - like miracles, adoption, and eternal life.

So, I know this post started out happy and then went downhill from there, but these things are dear to my heart and I want to remember them. I'm going to end with a music video I first saw over a year ago. It has touched me many times and makes me bawl like a baby because I am so grateful for the blessings in my life. It's mostly about wanting a child, that I think just about any woman or man can relate to, but is also a great reminder with some powerful messages about the preciousness of life and the miracle of adoption. Please take the time to watch it, I think you'll find it valuable.

5 comments:

Derek and Kristen said...

I hate you!!! You are right - bawled like a baby. Thanks for the reminder of how many blessings we have!

Alissa said...

So touching! Thanks for posting that Ali:) hugs!

Karalyn Marzo said...

Thanks for making me cry Stoner. No really, thanks so much for sharing your thoughts and that video. We live in such an interesting world with so many crazy things around us. I pray everyday for all of the little babies (including the future babies) and kids and parents in our families. Love you guys!

MARZO'S said...

Thanks Al! Love you!

RasmussenFamily said...

Wow, that was very touching. Thanks for posting your feelings. We love you guys and all the sista's and are praying for everyone.